the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
