gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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