i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize