Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I supernannyed him into submission
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