That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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