My nipple is on Facebook.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
