this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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