i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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