Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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