I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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