I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My bed smells like the plague
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