Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
