I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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