Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
