I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
