There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
