i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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