so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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