there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
