He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
