I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize