Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
