btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
