some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
two words...techno handjob
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
