Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
is it fun? or sober?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
