i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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