Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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