Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
