I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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