i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
