I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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