Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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