Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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