Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
