so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
