my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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