Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
