I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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