Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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