We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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