so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
