His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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