Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
