maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
