According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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