And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
