I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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