ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
