Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
