hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
