I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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