I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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