I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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