You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
