Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
