I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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