There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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