He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
