There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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