what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's blow job season.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
