Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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