no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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