fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm at about main and main street
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
