he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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