yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
