i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
