so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
