I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
