Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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