Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
