to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The Olympian is in my bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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