Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!