I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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