Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?