I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?